Grade School Druggie Burn-out Costume by: Failing Fallacy
Yes, now your little tykes can dress up like sociologically manipulated moronic weed sucking fools this Halloween. Just think, they can act just like mom and dad and smell like them too! With this costume, your children will be seriously taken un-seriously, laughing at things that are not funny, getting the munchies from house to house as they trick or treat, terrorizing all the old school parents, making them feel glad their children are away at college, or at least at some undisclosed location smoking weed with a bong, hiding from the police, who are not looking for them because they themselves are stoned. This costume comes complete with a dreadlock wig (black, brown, blond or green), weed odorizing aerosol spray, charcoal to color your face black (optional), Big Bamboo rolling papers (legal weed not included), torn denim pants, soiled white t-shirt displaying a picture of Bob Marley (TM) and vinyl sandals. Your children will be the envy of the entire burnout neighborhood, if they actually answer their doors to see them, tearing themselves away from the remedial mini-series that has captivated their remaining brain cell’s attention. But don’t worry, your little tykes will not mind because they will most likely forget why they were outside, strolling the neighborhood in the first place, and head to the franchised corner store for some greasy fast food. And if your child is too young to be wandering the streets and gets abducted, don’t worry! You will not remember them anyway, so light up another, sit back and chill! You will most likely see them again in some low budget sex film!
Tuggy Bear Seventy’s-ish Pimp Costume by: Boogie’s Costume Co.
Historically correct, within a decade or two, pimping attire for that aspiring, stoned youth, that just wants to train the up and coming jail bait (or older experienced adults) who are already well abused by the local, neighborhood perverts. This costume comes complete with a peacock feathered, oversized hat, pink of course, with a large silky-like purple band. The coat and slacks will be pink, or some other flamboyant exasperating pastel color, guaranteed to stand out, striking fear into all of his newly acquired, drug abusing flock. And let us not forget the crimson red, highly polished, wedged heeled shoes! Optional, this costume can be equipped with a wire hanger and a roll of tissue, used for possible disciplinary issues that are sure to arise. You will be raking in the hokum from all the houses in your neighborhood, guaranteeing all the local stoned pedophiles to open their doors and pay extra hokum, and possibly money , for your next available trainee who is anxious to please for their next fix. (Fentanyl or other highly addictive drugs can be purchased from your local, “Sons of Anarchy” approved dealers).
Local Bag Lady and Sex Procurer Costume by: Too-too Courter Inc.
These days of economic waning times, one has to be very imaginative and versatile, willing to multi-task to earn their daily meals and shelter. If you agree, then this costume is for you! Yes, goblins young and old will get a real insight into humanity wearing this Halloween costume. It comes with a small meager makeup kit to enhance your weathered skinned look to appear just attractive enough. The costume also comes attired with spandex pants, fish netted from the upper thighs down to the ankles, revealing the right amount of leg to turn on any local sexist. The top is black spandex too, tightly fitting around your bosoms, guaranteed to make your breasts more prominent. No bosoms yet? We provide falsies for no extra cost!. Because the whole attire is nylon, it will keep you just warm enough, while scavenging from dumpsters to trash cans, warming up during short car rides to close by back alleys, providing monetarized sexual favors. It also comes with a retractable handled mini cargo cart on wheels, to store all your scavenged goods, to exchange at local recycle depots for a few extra quarters and dimes. So, when you knock at the neighbor’s door this Halloween dressed in this occupationally approved costume via your local school board, they will gladly lead you to their garage, to perform some sexual favors in exchange for all the aluminum cans you can carry, possibly getting a buck or two thrown in!
The Dis-honorable Liberal Member of Parliament Chatelaine Costume by: Beguiled Inc
These next four years of liberalism will certainly get some mileage out of this costume because it, well, is so perfect! If you are of the female gender that is, and your superiority will surpass even the Prime Minister himself! The costume comes with progressively but conservatively styled attire, with a white, Diamond fibered, tight fitting sweater, matched with silky black slacks, to enhance your shapely legs, but not too much, followed by platinum heeled stiletto shoes, just hidden enough by the overhang of your slack’s cuffs, but revealing enough to see your toe nail polish because of the opened toed design. And of course, it would not be complete without jewellery, optionally, an elegant but delicate white gold neckless (included), or for the more bolder feminist, ears, nose and nipple piercings (extra), possibly a small revealed feminist tattoo of enslaved subordinate men! Grace under pressure when you attempt to explain why the economy, morality, and employment have been flushed down the sewer and how it is only going to get better with drugs, somehow. But it will not be because of anything you have done, of course, only someone else, most likely a man! This costume also comes with a makeup kit that will conservatively enhance your feminist prowess, intimidating any male, or female alike of low sociological and class standing, to move aside and bow to your greatness while they provide you with bountiful political and hokum donations, just because you are so dammed cute! So don’t be surprised when you trick or treat this Halloween, that you will not be greeted by any man answering the door, who will be cowering in their basement, emasculated by your perfume and dominant, feminist, superior presence!
“Tex” oNid ittEnEbEd (sHow nO mErcY)
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